Things that call center people have to put up with

I always wanted to post this hilarious joke I found years ago. Now I have a blog, so there you go :)

A dialog between a WordPerfect (similar to MS Word) Customer Support employee and an average user who calls up the call-center

"Ridge Hall computer assistant; May I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.”

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

..."Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

..."Yes, it is."

"Very good, Now, when you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

..."Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power cut."

"A power... A power cut? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!"

Some money, and lots of time!

I got the idea for this post after listening to my neighbour, whom I think, is a bit of a Communist :D

There are 3 things, according to him, one can do when he/she has some money to spend in the pocket. I have elaborated more on each thing.

1. Buy food: This, everyone always does. Being Bangalorean, one loves eating. No second thoughts. Drop into the nearest Darshini ( small restaurants where you get good food ) and order a Masala Dosa + coffee. That coffee is "by-two" if you have company and don't want to spend 6 more Rupees. If you are a bit more posh, and have more money of course, you go to Pizza Hut and order a pizza. For me, either way, I return home and pester mum to give something more.

2. Buy clothes! : Yes, that's what he said. But one doesn't generally buy clothes out of pocket money. But, by any chance if you have forgotten to spend it and have saved it, one may buy clothes. Again, Bangaloreans look out for big red banners that say SALE! 50% OFF!!! But let's not get carried away, anything greater than 50% is considered too cheap and mediocre!

3. Buy books: This, people don't generally do. One considers that a waste of precious pocket money, which was supposed to be spent on a burger! But personally, a book is a pretty good investment. It pays back in the long run. Food, you eat and throw out next morning ( :P ). Clothes, you wear for a few months and give it to someone poor or throw away. But books, one can treasure it!

Now, heeding his advice, I had Rs. 100 with me today morning. I had just eaten a Dosa with an uncle of mine! So, I didn't want to buy food. Not clothes also, since it takes a lot of time for me to make a simple choice. No, I went to a near-by book shop, a second-hand book shop for my Bangalorean instincts, and bought 'The White Tiger' by the Mangalorean Aravind Adiga. I found that the 100 Rupee book is pirated, but luckily no pages are missing and the Xerox is legible enough! But the Xerox-wala hasn't done good enough job. By skimming through the pages, I found out that he has xeroxed an ant on Page 314! R.I.P ant!

What Mother Nature thinks of us?

Search engines love Wikipedia

Wikipedia, which prides itself in being 'anyone-can-edit', almost always shows up at the top of the search results of any good search engine. Here is my take on why this happens
It's like a cycle of events. When Wikipedia started off, people simply started creating numerous articles. The number of such scholars kept increasing, and number of hits to the website increased day by day. However sophisticated the search algorithms ( read Google PageRank ) of the various search engines are, it always depends on hits to the site. Now, Wikipedia is the 7th most visited site in the world. So, it naturally shows up at the top of search engines, even though it ranks low, on my scale at least, as the most trustworthy. And, people keep searching for stuff on Google, Yahoo, Bing, etc, and Wikipedia keeps popping up, which leads to one more hit from the user. And, the cycle continues....Anyway, personally I don't like Wikipedia. If comedian/TV anchor Stephen Colbert is editing every other article ( http://bit.ly/160zYE ), I would just stay away from Wikipedia. I remember that, about a year ago, I searched for some info about our dear, former Indian Prime Minister H D Deve Gowda on the website. A laugh-out-loud moment soon followed.... In the introduction it said that "Him and his son Kumaraswamy are scars on the face of Karnataka." How true!
One more thing, Conan O'Brien on The Tonight Show said that Wikipedia is being written as a book. The funny thing is, he mentioned that he got this information from Wikipedia itself! But here is the catch: the database of the site has almost 3 million English articles. If all that is printed, it would be equivalent to 956 volumes of Ecyclopedia Britannica, with 500 pages each. I'm giving a link to the same website itself! ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Size_in_volumes ). Here is a picture of a publication which is 0.01% of the Wikipedia encyclopedia, converted by a UK student:

So, please guys, save paper and don't print your wrong information from the site, just read them off your screen!

Some funny quotes....

"If your parents never had children, chances are you won't either."
--Dick Cavett

"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education."
--Mark Twain

"I don't get no respect. I played hide-and-seek, and they wouldn't even look for me."
--Rodney Dangerfield

"A girl phoned me and said, “Come on over. There’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home!"
--Rodney Dangerfield

"Ageing: First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
--George Burns

"I felt like a man trapped in a woman's body. Then I was born!"
--Chris Bliss

An my favorite:
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
--David Letterman

hahaaa!!!

Improvements Apple made on iPhone over iStone!


U gotta love outsourcing!




Just a joke....

MORPH

"Cause to change shape in a computer animation" is what 'morph' exactly means in an animation industry... you might have heard of image-morphing, which is used to give special effects in movies ..



........I know, by now you wud have decided dat this is some animation related stuff ...

dont lie .. din u?? ... how impatient ..

ok,.,. I ain't talking about any animations now....

so which 'morph' am I really talking about...

just imagine how it wud be to have one single gadget which can be morphed..

i mean change its shape so that you get a new gadget...

You have a mobile>>bend it and there's your wrist
watch>>bend it further you have your music player>>palm top>>chemical analyzer......

sounds too futuristic??

but a gadget like this can be expected in the near future...

so what is the gadget made of and who's doing it?

well .. NRC or the Nokia Research Center with the help of the Cambridge Nanoscience Centre

is working on concept called the Nokia Morph,a nano-scale technological product which would radically change the way we look at different devices...this is gonna bring a tremendous change in mobile/hand held devices.... Morph in phone mode

The concept uses flexible and transparent nano material & Fibril proteins are woven into a three dimensional mesh that reinforces thin elastic structures.(if u didnt understand what these fabril-mesh-3d protiens are,, I cant help :( :( cuz,, the only thing i can relate with protiens is soya beans. Heard they are v.gud at it :P :P).. which adds the following features to the device:

(just pasted the explanation of the features from their website.. u knw am lazy)

Flexible & Changing Design:Nanotechnology enables materials and components that are flexible, stretchable, transparent and remarkably strong.A folded design would fit easily in a pocket and could lend itself ergonomically to being used as a traditional handset. An unfolded larger design could display more detailed information, and incorporate input devices such as keyboards and touch pads.

Self-Cleaning :Nanotechnology also can be leveraged to create self-cleaning surfaces on mobile devices, ultimately reducing corrosion, wear and improving longevity. Nanostructured surfaces, such as “Nanoflowers” naturally repel water, dirt, and even fingerprints utilizing effects also seen in natural systems.

Natural Power Sources:Nanotechnology holds out the possibility that the surface of a device will become a natural source of energy via a covering of “Nanograss” structures that harvest solar power. At the same time new high energy density storage materials allow batteries to become smaller and thinner, while also quicker to recharge and able to endure more charging cycles.

Morph in the open mode

Sensing The Environment:Nanosensors would empower users to examine the environment around them in completely new ways, from analyzing air pollution, to gaining insight into bio-chemical traces and processes. New capabilities might be as complex as helping us monitor evolving conditions in the quality of our surroundings, or as simple as knowing if the fruit we are about to enjoy should be washed before we eat it. Our ability to tune into our environment in these ways can help us make key decisions that guide our daily actions and ultimately can enhance our health.

Morph in the wrist mode

Doesn't this sound interesting ??

Nokia says this gadget would be out by 2017-2018... gotta wait n see...